Bring out the violins - and not that world's tiniest, either!
I just called my mother: Mom? Can I call you and just whine?
Sure, honey.
Okay - I don't feeeeeel gooood and I'm feeeverish and my husband is a lousy mother! He has no maternal instinct at all.
Awww, poor baby, I'm sorry. You're right - he's not at all maternal. Poor baby.
Right before calling her, I called him: I'm going to bed if you're not coming home soon. I'd called him to be kind, sort of. And perhaps to lay a trap, unintentionally. I couldn't help it. There was no winning answer (You've just won bitch of the year for a wife! Ha ha, you lucky devil! Wrong answer!). I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I didn't think it would be cool to have him come home and watch me shiver while listening to me whine when he could be hanging around with his fun buddies who weren't pitiful and greasy and wearing the same sweat pants for a week and a half. On the other hand: Come home you #*@&#^&^^ - don't you know I'm sick?!? I'm feverish! (Okay, temperaturish, whatever.) I don't care if you just made buckets of money - you only going to spend it on your new young trophy wife after I DIE OF THIS MISERABLE FLU (okay, cold maybe, or possibly a sinus infection - but it's a really bad one)!
In his defense, he just closed his biggest deal this year (That's nice, dear. But did I tell you that I had a fever?) - and he went out to celebrate! While I had a fever! (Ok, so it was a temperature - but it did hit 100! Briefly. Mostly it was around 99. But that's high for an adult! My eyeballs feel hot!)
He left me here with two (well, one really, but the other one was still coughing yesterday!) coughing children. And I can't get the ornery 4yo to stand still and put her cool little hands on my face - or even bring me a glass of ice water or some juice! Yeah, I know she's 4 - and she's too short to reach the freezer - but she could get a chair or something.
It's time for someone to take care of me! I've been in this house with a bunch of sick people for 2 weeks! I am running a fever (okay, okay, a temperature). Still! Where's my poor baby? Who's bringing me some soup? And juice! I want some juice! And a pet on my aching head....
Mom???? Mother? Where are you?
Oh wait, that's me now. Wow! What a thankless job. Sorry, Mom....
Sure, honey.
Okay - I don't feeeeeel gooood and I'm feeeverish and my husband is a lousy mother! He has no maternal instinct at all.
Awww, poor baby, I'm sorry. You're right - he's not at all maternal. Poor baby.
Right before calling her, I called him: I'm going to bed if you're not coming home soon. I'd called him to be kind, sort of. And perhaps to lay a trap, unintentionally. I couldn't help it. There was no winning answer (You've just won bitch of the year for a wife! Ha ha, you lucky devil! Wrong answer!). I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I didn't think it would be cool to have him come home and watch me shiver while listening to me whine when he could be hanging around with his fun buddies who weren't pitiful and greasy and wearing the same sweat pants for a week and a half. On the other hand: Come home you #*@&#^&^^ - don't you know I'm sick?!? I'm feverish! (Okay, temperaturish, whatever.) I don't care if you just made buckets of money - you only going to spend it on your new young trophy wife after I DIE OF THIS MISERABLE FLU (okay, cold maybe, or possibly a sinus infection - but it's a really bad one)!
In his defense, he just closed his biggest deal this year (That's nice, dear. But did I tell you that I had a fever?) - and he went out to celebrate! While I had a fever! (Ok, so it was a temperature - but it did hit 100! Briefly. Mostly it was around 99. But that's high for an adult! My eyeballs feel hot!)
He left me here with two (well, one really, but the other one was still coughing yesterday!) coughing children. And I can't get the ornery 4yo to stand still and put her cool little hands on my face - or even bring me a glass of ice water or some juice! Yeah, I know she's 4 - and she's too short to reach the freezer - but she could get a chair or something.
It's time for someone to take care of me! I've been in this house with a bunch of sick people for 2 weeks! I am running a fever (okay, okay, a temperature). Still! Where's my poor baby? Who's bringing me some soup? And juice! I want some juice! And a pet on my aching head....
Mom???? Mother? Where are you?
Oh wait, that's me now. Wow! What a thankless job. Sorry, Mom....
posted by SM at 8:54 PM
2 Comments:
I swear to you, I understand. You KNOW I do. That's why you have to believe that the advice I am offering is the real deal, based on experience. You NEED to have some good attention when you're down. Seriously. So call your girlfriends. STAT. Trust me. They'll take care of you.
Actually, I would have called you except it would have been poor form as you've been sicker and sick longer than I have - how are you doing, anyway?
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